Thursday 28 November 2013

Why Karl Urban is the shit. An editorial.

Why Karl Urban is the shit!
.An Editorial.


Karl Urban, the name alone sends shivers down my spine like a nervous school boy who just got his first kiss. Karl Heinz (baked beans) Urban is a 41 year old New Zealander.... Zealandian?... Zealandiagon?? Never mind! Who first came to my attention in 2010 when he played the young but tough Agent Cooper in RED and had a fucking amazing fight scene with Bruce Willis but he pretty much wasn't on my radar though until I heard a Dredd reboot was happening and I was over the moon to hear that they were rebooting one of my favourite childhood characters, and yes I am referring to the 1995 Stallone disaster but come on you fucks I was 10 then, all that shit was new to me, I didn't know any better ok!! GAWD!
As I got older I obviously learned everything that was wrong with Judge Dredd, which was basically... EVERY-FUCKING-THING! But I couldn't wait to see the reboot but who would be our new Dredd and would he keep his fucking helmet on? I did some research on the project and found out that the screenplay for Dredd was wrote by Alex Garland a British writer who also wrote 28 Days Later and The Beach which are both great films so I got a little excited and then I also found out that he wanted Hollywood to keep it's dirty, greedy fingers off this one and make a good movie for a fucking change and then I got very excited.
Now we have all saw Dredd and it is fucking amazing, we all know it is and if you disagree then I'll stab you in the cunt you fucking asshole! There's just one thing, who the hell is this helmeted hero? Davey, don't you pay attention to your own writing?? IT'S KARL FUCKING URBAN!! That guy from Red, now he's Dredd. Oh yeah, Karl fucking Urban is a fucking badass, let's keep an eye out for this guy from here on out.
After some research and lots of movie watching I realised this handsome fucker just pops up everywhere and I love it. I was watching Doom recently and there he was, just plodding along with some back story with the mellow drama of a South Park episode and despite this terrible writing that is a stretch just to connect some dots Karl Urban just delivers. You hand him shit it turns to gold. As well as his lesser known movies though, he has been in some blockbusters... well.... Two of the Lord of the Rings where he played Eomer and hang, draw and quarter me on this one but I'm not a huge LOTR fan but you stick Karl in that mix and I'm in, with his long, flowing, dirty blonde hair and the way he wraps those man knuckles round that long, hard sword...... I'm getting hot flushes. He is truly one of the greats though and yes my opinion may be a little bias on my part cos I have a total man crush on him but look at him... Step aside Gerard Butler there's a new Sheriff in town.
Neither Mr. Butler nor Judge Urban pick the greatest roles but every now and then they get it right, Gerard Butler with amazing movies like 300 and Law Abiding Citizen under his belt really shows his intense acting abilities but then he shows up in some pathetic rom-com's and I'm just like "Fuck sake Butler, get your act together. Get back in Gamer and blow someone's fucking head off!" and Karl Urban although with not as successful movies still has the now cult classic Dredd and RED too, so he's not really as well known or on the Hollywood big time radar but I do see bigger things in his future. Roles I'm excited to see like him hopefully donning the signature Dredd grimace once again for a sequel and some I'm not so excited to see like following in Gerard Butler's footsteps with some poor attempts at romantic comedies to turn him into a heart throb "get him on the radar" as Hollywood push and push till he becomes a product and not a person, then Dredd 2 will come about and Hollywood will be like "No, K-Urbz you're better than that now you're Hollywood now, who needs all that violence when we have Oscars" NO YOU FUCKS! STEP AWAY FROM KARL URBAN!! I say let him stay this bad ass violent muthafucker showing up in okay-ish sci-fi movies. Riddick is out now, I've not saw the latest installment but I love the Riddick movies they've done so far. Pitch Black obviously being the better of the two but Chronicles of Riddick had Karl Urban and his super awesome hairdo being a fucking bad ass yet again and I see he is credited in the latest one but how big a role he plays I'm not sure but I'm certain he will show us what exactly it is he does. Don't let Hollywood get you Karl that's my advice, you're a damn good actor but you've got this devilishly handsome look that may cause you to slip into romantic comedies becoming an object of lust for 42 year old divorcees. Damn your good looks Karl Urban.

What I'd like to see is a potential amazing action hero get what he deserves and that's some kick ass roles. Dredd was amazing and hopefully they do make a sequel with the film being a bit of a box office flop it obviously was a bit of a downfall and lessened the chance of a sequel but when Dredd was released on Blu-ray and DVD it became a cult classic, topping most of the charts for a long time and I'm not sure where the figures sit at the moment but I know that the gross is definitely climbing and that there is petitions from fans all over the world making sure that a sequel is definitely on the cards and it really is proving that strength in numbers works as people are taking notice of all this effort from the adoring fans. Obviously Dredd played a huge part in my realisation of Mr. Urban and for that I couldn't be more greatful but let's get him right into the thick of it with these action roles, let's have him blasting the shit out of aliens and giving out not the cheesy one liners but the ones that immediately send a shiver down your spine "Mamma.... Judgement time!" I mean that is literally terrifying but doesn't come off the way Stallone's lines did in the first Dredd which were just a pitiful attempt at
making some memorable quotes like him pushing his "I knew you would say that" after any time someone plead not guilty, I'm just like "Yeah Stallone we heard you say that to the last fucking guy" it just reminds me of that bit in Mean Girls were she is trying to make "Fetch" a new word we're all thinking it but thankfully Regina George says it and like Regina George I decide what's going to happen and what isn't so Dredd 2 is sooo gonna happen and Karl Urban is going to be a fucking action movie legend and we WILL see him in the Expendables 3 or 4 depending how long it takes him to get into those leagues of awesomeness. 

Check out the Facebook page to make a Dredd sequel https://www.facebook.com/MakeADreddSequel?fref=ts

I am The Dame and this is my opinion

Go fuck yourself


No comments: